“Even now, the illusion of control invokes the “victim” to step forward, polishing the shovel; no cognizance of the bodies left buried…in the Zen Garden.”

After his (self) exposure as a member of tzen-gardnerhe sex cult, Children of God (The Family), popular internet figure, Zen Gardner, a/k/a, Donald Ferguson, seems dismayed at the blow back from (some of) the alternative media communities. His latest article,  “Sifting Through the Debris”, once again contrasts his stark confessions with a healthy dose of desperate victim status. This is the modus operandi of a sociopath, albeit, a “love and lighter” sociopath. Let’s parse words, as they are the means to dissolve this vicious cycle of abuse:

Sifting Through the Debris.
The title alone wreaks of victimhood. Who sifts through debris?
Ferguson opens the article with a bit of a magic trick—a semantic magic trick—but deftly executed, as one would expect from the former media spokesman for a child sex cult.

“Not just my own life that has been seriously derailed from its previous direction and that of my children now being put through this renewed societal abuse syndrome, but of the so-called truth community in general.”

Continuing…(and I am excerpting  here, but not reconstructing the narrative) he writes:

“Knowing that the external triggers are what is unresolved in ourselves is essential to personal growth and realization. This may sound a bit dispassionate or disconnected to those who want me to grovel in remorse and guilt and shame, but I’ve worked past all that. What’s left is your reaction. And some people have some serious work to do, as do I.

This indictment of the entire “truth” community (or the part that saw through his self-serving bullshit from the start of this affair) Is a classic deflection technique that places the perp on par with “other folks”, notably those who did not give him a pass so easily. “Unresolved issues in ourselves…”??? Deflection, again, as Zen has had lots of time to allegedly deal with HIS issues, apparently. Having spent years on the web masquerading as a expounder of “truth” and “light” while concealing some very important aspects of his own background. A background that informs his own spiritual development.

Next line:  Trigger City
Classic. Utilizing language to alter perceptions. “Trigger” is a psychological/mind control term. It infers a seeded response via trauma-based methods. Note how Ferguson writes in passive voice—like all of this just “happened” to him:

“We were supposed to be in this together, supporting and helping each other. But it’s apparent that certain triggers are alive and well in so many that a sudden tide replicating the matrix mainstream mindset based on fear and hysteria were set off, and caused a chain reaction.”

Excuse me here, but, again, who is the “we”? That  band of sycophants who drooled over your every word, article after article? You know, the ones about “ascension”, how humanity is experiencing an awakening, a new consciousness? Somehow “we” got expanded to include those who recognize that simply revealing facts about a 24 year association with a child sex cult, and packaging it as just another “life lesson” didn’t cut it.

Worse, that someone so revered, so placed upon a pedestal as a wise teacher who “grew  up” in the counterculture of the 60s and 70s” was somehow mired, for most of his adult life, in a debauched mind control sect…? That this “minor admission” did not disqualify his flowery prose and sage pose? This didn’t matter? It’s not a “fender bender” on the highway of life, it’s a train wreck with a madman at the wheel. A train with child passengers! Hysteria? Or the response of a community who have documented pedophilia and mind control.

So, let me be clear: FUCK NO, we are not in this “together”.

“Replicating the mainstream matrix”? The mainstream matrix has enabled, covered-up, hidden, and obfuscated child sex offenders for decades. From the Roman Catholic Church to the Lolita Express. It was the “alternative” communities that were left the job of exposing things like MK Ultra, ritual child sacrifice in the bowels of the Vatican, the long hidden antics of BBC personality, Jimmie Saville…Covering up and wallpapering over deviancy IS the mainstream matrix’ methodology.

Justifiably, the more balanced in the “alt” media were incensed that this media figure operated under guise of an enlightened master, while concealing his own complicity in a child sex ring—-OVER DECADES! Some have taken the approach of “wait and see”…others did the research on the COG cult and were justifiably horrified. A few have chosen to engage the Stockholm Syndrome, or worse, JUSTIFY the presence of this man on the media stage, and congratulate him on his “self-redemption”.

“…what condition are we in that this could transpire like this with such virulence and acrimony and revenge? What’s powering it?”

WE…??? Where were “we” when YOU were doing your job as a PR person for this sick cult? Personally, I was raising MY children far from any such cults; protecting them, and their peers as best I could FROM monsters like the COG leaders, of whom Mr. Ferguson was one.
More passive voice, more victim status. “…that this could transpire”. It did NOT “transpire”, Zen Gardner. There was a causative point in time where individual free will and morality was defaulted, and a ruinous path chosen. You were 22 years old when you joined COG—way past the age of reason, and an adult with a fully formed set of decision-making skills. You were, by your own account 49 years old when you left—that is a long “adolescence”.

Your decisions intertwined untold numbers of young lives with the perversion and sociopathic inclinations of ADULTS, who not just failed, but chose betrayal of innocence. Somewhere in the course of events, you failed to grasp your own complicity with and act with integrity. Transpire is a passive verb that tries to imply victimhood.

This is not some “personal tragedy”, it was a monstrous, delusional fraud that, even if entered into unawares, SHOULD have ended, certainly by the time you had children of your own. How did this happen? It didn’t just happen. You caused it. You have unlimited liability for both your actions and defaults, Zen Gardner.

” I’m not going to play the victim card as I remain totally accountable for my actions and inactions, but when such intense programming 24/7, even though willfully waded into, is working in your mind, heart and psyche, you lose your bearings. We didn’t have outside information, not even music. This was as insular as you can get except outright captivity.”

All the while plying the language of victimhood, yet disclaiming such? What does “totally accountable” actually mean? Are you in a 12 Step-type Program? Were you de-programmed by a competent therapist?  Have you committed to restitution to victims? Even some of them? You “woke up”, left the cult, hid, then emerged as this “sage” from the “counterculture”.

I was part of that counterculture: the one that had drugs, sex, rock and roll, meditation, and organic farming…but not sexually molesting children. That was not my experience, or the experience of all, save the deviants like COG’s David Brand Berg and his vast army of enablers. A cult that spanned 73 nations and nearly 750 communities…(http://www.childrenofgod.com/en/history/)

No, Ferguson, in delusional fashion, DOES claim victim status in the same breath as he claims to NOT do so…the semantics of mind control turned inward. Upon regaining his “mind…heart…bearings…” did Zen expose the works he was involved in publicly? Did he reach out to the, now grown, child victims the cult abused? Why did he cravenly publish on the sins of the notorious pedophiles on his site, but fail to disclose his own “insider” perspective? Because THAT is how the “mainstream matrix” operates.

” I’m an open book and you can see and feel it in my writings and interviews. I just had a large chapter I would rather not have brought up because I knew what would ensue, but I knew it would some day.”

An open book wit the MAIN chapter deleted? A major chunk of the man’s history…a man who stepped into the alternative communities with a voice of change? Or is it just the same patterns over and over. “The dog returns to its vomit.” Ferguson could have gone away quietly, righted his wrongs, been in accountability under counseling or de-programming; started out, with full transparency ,as a perpetrator who wanted to correct the wrongs…we are not judging the PAST here: the deception continues even as Zen Gardner writes another article, and now—-as apparently, he will retake the airwaves.

But, it is rather late for “disclosure”. In an information age, it is impossible to hide forever. Researchers diligently digging in the dirt find SHIT. He knew this. He tried “soft” disclosure. The truth was so harsh, so long delayed, and so well documented that there truly was nowhere to hide.

Besides, there was this huge following, the professionally designed website, the money aspects, and, most of all, the EGO of a handler that never lets go of the illusion of control. Even now, the illusion of control invokes the “victim” to step forward, polishing the shovel; no cognizance of the bodies left buried…in the Zen Garden.

Does Ferguson want forgiveness?  Fine.
Then, go find your victims. Ask THEM.
“We” (the so-called), alternative/truth/consciousness community are busy dealing with the credibility body count now almost daily. Yes, Zen, your consciousness wave came—and it’s a bitch.
Is there forgiveness? Only AFTER there is contrition. DO NOT continue taking your sainted blog podium to admonish “us” about our harshness, our indignation, over the betrayal you performed, not once, but the many times you presented yourself as a sage, a voice, a prophet of wisdom—while HIDING in plain sight!

Shut down your website—except for your confession. Shut down your public podium and speaking—and shut your fucking mouth, until the time when you really have made the inner U-Turn back to humanity. We are all flawed beings, but amongst the flawed also dwell monsters. And the enablers who hide them. Zen Gardner has hidden for 40 years. We don’t confuse good soil with fertilizer. Goodbye.


Related article: https://veilofreality.com/2016/08/19/an-open-letter-to-don-ferguson-a-k-a-zen-gardner/

Postscript: Some may question why I, Randy Maugans, have taken this position and wrote such a harsh article about the above. Why have I been so blunt?

First, I need to point out the level of manipulation did not cease with Zen Gardner’s “confession”. Every article he writes, or posts in his defense, is another effort to smooth over the level of complicity he holds, as not just another member, but as part of the TOP LEVEL of leadership in the Children of God/Family cult—for over a quarter decade.

The psychology of manipulation continues. Rather than take what might be deemed some rather abusive criticisms from peers in the “alt-media” community; accept that this would come, and STEP BACK…Ferguson/Zen still holds to his perceived power position as an arbiter of “truth” on the body politic of the media. Sorry, again, Zen…you LOST that right because you hid the truth. You operated under the cover of a pseudonym, a veiled background, and the sickening “love and light” rhetoric that pervades the culture. The stench does not go away with perfume.

Like every predator who gets exposed, you still presume you have some “juice” in the game. You rely on your sycophantic defenders to cover over the vacuum you created in order to continue your role as some spiritual teacher. Did YOU actually commit the crimes that were listed against Berg and his cult? We don’t know. But you enable them, and acted as liaison. That is complicity.

But like the Nazi henchmen who stood trial in Nuremberg, you too “just followed orders”. The molestation of children is the murder of a soul. That point cannot be screamed loudly enough. There are souls in the path of history that cannot be repaired. Just as the answer, “…just followed orders” didn’t cut it in 1945, the pleas of “I was mind controlled…for 27 years…” doesn’t cut it now.


RSM-14yrsAs a 15 year old, I was targeted and recruited by a very similar “new age” child sex cult called “Neo-American Church“, via an operative who would later become a psychiatrist, and accomplice to the cult’s leader. At 15 years old, I made a decision to RUN…despite being under hypnosis and control of this man, later identified as “The Recruiter”. I remember the terror…and re-lived it again, a year or so ago, when this information turned up in an interview which I did not know contained that piece of my own past.

Neo-American ChurchI KNOW what it feels like to re-live events that were out of MY control. I know what triggering is…and it is the dark layers of FEAR that live beneath the skin of every child who ever had to fight against the violence—sexual, psychological, and physical…of monsters, whether they be the “perps” or the handlers. There—I just told you about “my missing chapter”, Mr. “Zen Gardner”.